dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
