She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
