My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
