so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
