then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
