This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
