I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
