At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you had me at cake vodka
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
