Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
