Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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