there's paper in my vomit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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