It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
handjob tips. give me some.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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