Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
