I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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