accomplished twins. life is a go
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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