five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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