In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
