last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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