if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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