I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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