after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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