I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
