Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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