I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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