I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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