When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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