plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
