the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
