Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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