i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
