We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
