He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
