just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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