she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
