I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
