Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
