He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
