just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
