Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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