Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
