12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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