so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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