i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
