Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize