therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
