winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
