Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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