Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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