i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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