i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
