im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
