Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
