Where is the hickey?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
