is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
