I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
