My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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