hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
