I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
