1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
