So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Banned from zoo.
Again?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
