Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
