Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
