I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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