Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
