Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
