I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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