exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
