shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
