well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
