Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
