He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
